Beneath Your Beautiful
by SunshineXRainbows
Summary: It's been a year since Kurt had gotten out of his abusive relationship, but he's still struggling to realize that he deserves the great things in life. He's not sure if he's ready for a relationship, but the man Blaine he keeps running into is making him question a lot of things. This is the story of his journey to figuring out that he is worth it. [OC plays huge part in story.]
1. Chapter 1

**Beneath Your Beautiful**

"Would you let me see beneath your beautiful? Would you let me see beneath your perfect? Take it off now boy, Take it off now boy, I wanna see inside. Would you let me, see beneath your beautiful tonight?" Beneath Your Beautiful - Labrinith

_Kurt screamed out in pain, the vase thrown at him hit him directly in the stomach, the glass cutting his skin underneath his shirt. He sobbed loudly, backing up to the wall behind him to create space between him and his tormentor. He looked down at his shirt, the blood spreading over the fabric. He whimpered, the sight of so much red made him feel a bit woozy__._

_"You can't fucking do anything right can you?" The man yelled, breathing heavily and glaring at Kurt. He stood in the middle of the kitchen, his body leaning on the counter. His hand rested by the dishes Kurt had broken by accident._

_"I'm sorry" He whimpered, looking at the towering man in fear._

_"You're always sorry. But you keep fucking up!" The man slammed his hand on the counter, the dishes shaking loudly._

_Kurt cowered in the corner, trying to get his distance from the angry man. He knew not to go near him when he was like this. He lifted his shirt, wincing at the bloody mess. He carefully made sure there wasn't any glass still there, before letting his shirt fall once more. He's had worse. Kurt looked over to the man standing at the counter, and watched as his eyes softened slightly as he watched Kurt. He could hear the man sigh, and walk over to him._

_"Come on, let me take you to the hospital. We'll come up with a story on the way there. I'm sorry, Kurt. You know how I get when I'm angry."_

_Kurt nodded silently, and took his boyfriend's hand, letting the taller man lead him out the door._

Kurt woke up with a gasp, his eyes popping open. His breathing was heavy as he cried silently. He hated when he dreamed about his old boyfriend. Kurt sobbed quietly, wiping his tears with his hand as he stepped out of his bed. He padded through the darkness until he was walking through his door, taking the familiar route to his roommate's bedroom.

The shaking man quietly opened the door, closing it behind him slowly. He tiptoed to the bed, crawling under the covers and laying his head on his roommate's chest. He felt his best friend stir under him.

"Another bad dream about him?" Kurt's roommate Jasper croaked out, wrapping his arms around Kurt.

Kurt simply nodded, cuddling close to his best friend. Whenever he had a bad dream, he would come in here and sleep with Jasper. He knew it was childish, but it comforted him and he was always able to fall back asleep when he was in the comforting presence of his best friend.

"Why does he still hurt me, Jazz? It's been a year." Kurt whispered, looking up at the older boy. His usual brownish red spiky hair was lying flat on his head, certain strands poking up in different directions and sticking to the pillow.

"Because, buddy. What he did to you was horrible. This is completely normal. Remember what Ms. Ray said?" Jasper replied, his voice thick with sleep but his eyes focused on Kurt.

The shaken boy sighed at the mention of his old therapist. After his abusive relationship, Jasper had wanted him to seek professional help. He continued seeing her for another 5 months.

"She said the nightmares would take some time before they would disappear." Kurt sighed. He knew what she had said was true. But he always wondered when they would finally stop.

"Exactly. Only time can heal your wounds. But remember I'm always here for you." Jasper said, running his hands through Kurt's messy brown locks.

"What if I'm always this broken person?" Kurt whispered, pain and worry evident in his voice as he looked up at his best friend, tears starting to form once again.

Jasper's heart broke as Kurt's eyes shined with tears. He hated seeing his best friend this way. He knew how strong Kurt was, he only wished that the younger boy knew it too.

"Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, you're getting better every day. I can see it. You've come so far this past year since we got rid of him. You will keep getting better."

"You think so?" Kurt asked. He wasn't completely sure himself.

"Of course I think so. You're the strongest person I know." Jasper smiled and squeezed the smaller boy and laid his head back on the pillow.

"Thank you, Jazz." Kurt whispered, resting his head on Jasper's second pillow. He pulled the covers up higher, holding on to them tightly.

"Anytime, buddy." Jasper whispered. Kurt could tell he was already half asleep, so he let the conversation stop there. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to relax himself.

He could hear Jasper's light snoring starting to begin, and he knew that his best friend had fallen asleep. He felt bad for interrupting Jasper's sleep for so long, but he also felt a little lighter than when he had woken up earlier.

~BYB~

Kurt grudgingly got up out of Jasper's bed in the morning, walking out to the hallway and into the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth. Half an hour later, Kurt was walking into the kitchen, popping a piece of bread into the toaster. He leaned on the kitchen island, feeling drained from last night. Jasper was drawing on a napkin at the kitchen table, barely noticing Kurt in the kitchen. He was like that when he got into his art.

Kurt had met Jasper his first day at NYU. Jasper had been working on a mural in the art department, when Kurt walked by and almost tripped over the older guy's paint. Jasper had hurried down from his ladder to apologize to Kurt and make sure he was okay. After that, Kurt had stayed and talked to Jasper as he worked. They hit it off right away. They became best friends in only a short month, and the beginning of Kurt's second year in New York when he was finally accepted into FIT, they bought an apartment together.

Now, 3 years later, they were still living together. Kurt was 23, and Jasper was 25. Kurt was working at an off-Broadway theater as head costume design, hoping to advance into Broadway soon. Jasper was working at the coffee shop down the street from their apartment, trying to find a job that had to do with what he loved.

Kurt's toast popped out of toaster, and he sat down across from his best friend. He quietly ate as he watched Jasper's hand move around the paper. He often sat and watched Jasper create, it was oddly calming. A couple minutes after Kurt was finished with his toast, Jasper finally finished and looked up at his roommate.

"Hey there, buddy. Feeling better?" Jasper asked, taking a sip of his glass of orange juice.

"Not really." Kurt said, looking down and playing with his fingers.

Jasper frowned as he watched Kurt. "I was thinking... would you like to go shopping? I need some new khakis... I keep spilling coffee on them at work."

Kurt sighed. "Jasper there's a reason they make you wear your apron when making coffee."

Jasper shrugged. "Are we going shopping or what?"

20 minutes later they were in Jasper's favorite store, looking through the racks of clothes. Jasper was staring intently in the mirror, looking at his ass in the pair of jeans he was trying on. Kurt was looking at the scarves they had, sighing when he wasn't impressed.

"Something tells me this isn't your favorite store." A beautiful voice said behind Kurt.

Kurt turned around, surprised. In front of him was a gorgeous young man, shorter than average, heavily gelled back hair, and beautiful eyes. Kurt couldn't take his eyes off him. He realized he hadn't said anything yet, the man in front of him looking at him with a small grin.

"Nope. It's not even close really." Kurt said, a little nervous talking to this gorgeous guy. He wondered why this random man had come up to him. He wasn't anything special. That's what Mason had always told him.

"It's not mine either. But I like some of the clothes here. I'm Blaine, by the way." Blaine held out his hand, and Kurt cautiously shook it. The more Blaine talked, Kurt got more suspicious. Why was this gorgeous man talking to him?

"I'm Kurt. I don't want to sound rude, but why did you come up to me?" He said slowly, still confused.

Blaine looked embarrassed at the question. "When I came in I saw you looking through some clothes, and I knew I had to come talk to you." Blaine said, smiling shyly at Kurt.

Kurt heart sped up. What was this guy up to? Someone as gorgeous as him wouldn't want anything with Kurt. And even if he did, Kurt was too broken for a relationship.

"That's really nice-" Kurt was cut off by Jasper calling out to him, still looking at himself in the mirror.

"Hey Kurt, Do you think these jeans make my ass look good?" Jasper called out from his spot in the mirror.

Kurt looked away from Blaine, sighing as he looked Jasper over. "Yes, Jazz. You're here to buy khaki's not jeans!" He told Jasper, looking apologetically at Blaine.

"Oh, I-I'm so sorry. I didn't know you had a boyfriend... I'll go." Blaine stuttered, looking mortified. He had made a fool of himself once again, Blaine wanted to hit himself on the head.

Kurt quickly shook his head. "No, Jasper isn't my boyfriend. He's my roommate. He's straight!"

Kurt chuckled. This was a first someone had mistaken the two best friends as something more.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief. "Oh! Well in that case... Can I have your number, Kurt?"

Kurt's breath hitched. Blaine was extremely good looking, but in all honestly, he didn't trust his judgment in men anymore. He's only been with two people, James, when he first came to New York, and he had cheated on him. And Mason, someone he met about 2 months after he broke up with James his freshman year, and he had abused him.

And anyway, he wasn't good enough for this man. He needed someone that wasn't broken as him. Blaine seemed to have gotten the message, his face had fallen.

"I'm sorry." Kurt said, frowning. He wished he could have gave this man this number. He wished he wasn't as broken as he was.

Blaine gave him one last look, before walking away dejectedly. Kurt sighed sadly, and walked back over to Jasper, who had finally picked out a pair of khakis. He could see the jeans from earlier were sitting next to the mirror, meaning that Jasper was definitely buying them.

"Who was that guy you were talking to? He was cute." Jasper said, turning around and looking at his backside.

Kurt chuckled slightly. "His name was Blaine and he asked for my number." He looked away from Jasper.

"Did you give it to him?!" Jazz asked excitedly.

"No... He wouldn't want someone as broken as me." Kurt said.

Jasper sighed. "You're not broken, Kurt! You're healing, yes, but you're not broken. You never were. You're just... Bent." Jazz said, walking back into the changing room.

"You got that from a Pink song." Kurt sighed, walking in front of the changing room to continue to talk to his roommate.

"It's still true. Are you ready to start dating, buddy?" Jasper asked from behind the door.

"No." Kurt said softly.

Jasper walked out of the changing room in his regular clothes, the pair of khakis in his hand.

"Then I won't force you too. If you didn't want to give him your number, that's okay then." Jazz came over and gave the younger boy a hug, patting his back softly before pulling away and walking back to the mirror. He picked up the pile of clothes he had sat there, and the two of them made their way to the register.

Kurt silently followed Jasper, Blaine still on his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

**Beneath Your Beautiful Chapter 2**

Kurt walked into the coffee shop two weeks later, adjusting his scarf and stuffing his phone into his pocket as he took a spot in line. He had woken up early and decided to walk down the street to see Jasper and get a coffee.

He needed to be at the theater at 10, but he always loved to get a head start on things. He was that way with pretty much everything actually, always early, never late. Kurt could not stand being late. So even though it was only 8 in the morning, and the theater was only a half hour trip, he didn't have long to spare.

He watched as Jasper worked the coffee machines behind the cashier, concentrating, and again, with no apron on. Kurt chuckled, why his roommate refused to wear an apron was beyond him. He was second in line when he noticed the man in front of him, ordering his coffee.

Kurt stepped forward, holding his finger out to the cashier. "It's on me." He added his own drink to the order and paid, walking over to the pick-up station with Blaine in tow.

He had no idea what he was doing right now. This was unlike him. Kurt was never the one who did the flirting, was this even flirting? No, he was just buying the man coffee. It was his good deed of the day. Or did it have to do with how handsome Blaine was? And how he wanted to say yes so bad when Blaine asked him out.

"You didn't have to buy me coffee, Kurt." Blaine said, bringing Kurt out of his thoughts. Kurt flushed, Blaine remembered his name.

"You remember my name?" Kurt asked, smiling at Blaine before looking away.

"Of course. How could I forget someone as handsome as you?" The other man asked, bumping his shoulder with Kurt's.

Kurt flinched. He wasn't used to anyone touching him, other than Jasper and his family. He remembered how Mason would elbow him in the arm whenever they were around friends. Kurt always managed to say something wrong around people.

Blaine looked like he was about to say something, but Jasper came with both of their drinks, watching Kurt carefully.

"Hey there buddy! And you're the guy from the store the other day right?" Jasper said, handing them their drinks.

Kurt smiled at his best friend, taking his drink. "Hey Jazz. This is Blaine from the store." He nodded his head towards the shorter man.

Blaine kept looking over at Kurt, worried he had done something wrong earlier, before turning to Jasper. "Nice to meet you."

Jazz nodded, and Kurt looked down at his watch. "I have to go, before I miss the subway. It was nice seeing you again, Blaine. And I'll see you when I get home, Jazz." He gave Blaine one last smile before walking out of the coffee shop.

Blaine watched him as he left, before looking down at his coffee cup and then to Jasper. Kurt was giving him mixed signals here.

"Is he... Um, interested in me?" Blaine asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jasper raised his eyebrows at the man. "Even if I knew the answer, I wouldn't tell you. That is something you need to ask Kurt. But if you're interested in him, you need to be patient." And with that, a costumer came up to the cashier and Jasper had to go.

~BYB~

Kurt arrived at the theater at 9 o'clock sharp. He said hello to one of the security guards, Ralf, on his way to his little office area backstage. He let out a sigh of relief as he got to his little sanctuary. It was one of the only places that Kurt had that had no memories of Mason. The man didn't care much about his workplace, his ex-boyfriend had always said it wasn't special in the least. He was nothing unless he made it to Broadway. If he ever made it to Broadway, that is.

Kurt sat down on one the stools, looking down at his agenda for the day. He had finished all of the costumes for the most part, all he had to do was a couple of fittings, and one of the directors would be coming by towards the end to see some of his work.

He was currently working on an off-Broadway run of The Wizard of Oz. Kurt loved the creativity that was involved in all of the costumes, and he had always loved the movie, so it was a bonus. He went to work making sure all of the costumes were organized, and getting things ready for his first fitting in an hour and a half.

Rachel Berry, his old friend, was Dorothy, and his 10:30 fitting appointment. And Kurt was _not _looking forward to that.

Kurt loved Rachel, of course he did. But they weren't friends anymore, not that Rachel didn't try to patch it up every single time they were in the same room.

Kurt met Rachel in high school, when they were in the glee club. She was dating his stepbrother Finn, and was at his out so much, they started to be friends too. But back then, their relationship was really rocky. They were constantly competing each other, because they wanted the same thing, always. But when they were in college, and Kurt realized he would rather design the costumes for the actors instead of being the actor, things got better. They were focused on being friends more, now that they weren't constantly in competition.

When Kurt was dating Mason for four months, that's when he started dictating Kurt's relationships. He would constantly tell Kurt that Rachel was too good for him. She was too talented and ambitious, and she didn't need Kurt bringing her down. That Rachel needed talented friends, and people who could help her succeed in her career. Not Kurt, who was unemployed at the time and trying desperately to find a job to pay bills.

Kurt had believed him, he cared a lot for Rachel, and she needed to be with people as talented as her. Kurt obviously wasn't good at what he did, he couldn't even get a job. So he stopped hanging out with Rachel, ignoring her when she called and when she came barging to his apartment, he hid in his bedroom.

When the show first started, and they were all sitting in the theater with the directors, Rachel had come to sit with him, and she held his hand. Kurt doesn't think she knows what happened, but Rachel could always tell when he was sad.

And ever since then, Rachel has been trying to patch things up between them. But Kurt wasn't having any of it. He may not be with Mason anymore, but he still knew that Rachel deserved better then him. Someone who could help her run lines and sing duets with her.

But Kurt was a professional, and he didn't let these kind of things get in the way of his work. So he continued on, putting last minute touches on Dorothy's dress in preparation for Rachel.

And at 10:30 on the dot, Rachel came strolling into his office. "Hello, Kurt!" She smiled as she sat her purse down on one of Kurt's empty chairs.

"Hello, Rachel. I've got your dress right here so you can just go behind the changing partition right over there." Kurt said, pointing to the partition in the corner of his office. He had found it at a thrift store, and had Jasper bring it over.

"I know the drill." Rachel said, beaming at him before going to change.

Kurt turned back to his workstation, grabbing his clipboard, putting Rachel's sheet on top. He read over his notes from the last fitting once again, busying himself while he waited.

He looked up as Rachel walked in, clad in her Dorothy costume. She walking into the middle of the room, looking down at herself, holding out the ends of the dress with a smile.

"I definitely like it, Kurt. It's beautiful. But it's a bit loose in a couple places. I've lost a couple pounds from the last time."

Kurt nodded, walking to the back where Rachel was pinching the fabric around her waist. Kurt took it from her hands gently. He pulled the fabric tighter, "Is this better?" He asked, and when she said yea he pinned the fabric together so he could make the adjustments later.

Kurt walked back around. "The dress looks great on you, Rachel. Where else is it loose?"

"Well of course it does, you made it. I trust you not to make me look horrible. And the sleeves." Kurt nodded.

He walked over to his desk to grab his measurement tape, jotting down on his clipboard to adjust the waistline and the sleeves.

"I miss you." Rachel said quietly, Kurt sighed as he turned around.

He began taking Rachel's measurements, writing them down on his clipboard. He missed Rachel too, but he was standing his ground. He needed to see her succeed.

"I don't know what happened, Kurt. You don't have to tell me. But I love you, you're my best friend. Even after these two years apart. I just wish you would talk to me again." She watched as Kurt wrote everything down on his clipboard. She sighed.

"Okay, maybe you're not ready yet. That's okay." She looked down and played with the hem of her dress.

"Do you have any suggestion for your costume, Rachel?" Kurt asked. He was grateful this was appointment was over.

"No, you pretty much covered my suggestions from last time. Thanks for that, really. The other designers from my other shows never listened." Rachel said quietly.

Kurt gave Rachel a small smile. He knew she just wanted to be listened to most of the time that was the only reason why she had her diva tantrums from time to time. "Well they were good suggestions, Rachel. You can go take the dress off now, we're done. Be mindful of the pins."

"Thanks Kurt." She whispered. Kurt nodded silently, going back to his work.

~BYB~

"I'm home!" Kurt yelled as he opened the door to their apartment. He could hear Jasper cooking in the kitchen as he put his jacket on the coat rack near the door. He toed off his shoes, sat his bag on the floor and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey there, buddy! Sit down at the table, dinner is almost done." Jasper said, looking at Kurt over his shoulder and giving him a smile.

"It smells good, what is it?" He asked, hitting the table with hands into a beat.

"Maybe I want it to be a surprise!" Jasper doesn't even look at Kurt as he puts the food on the plate, but the younger boy can hear the smile in his voice.

"Maybe that's kind of stupid." Kurt shoots back.

"Maybe stupid is stupid." Jasper says, bring the plates over.

"That made absolute no sense." Kurt says, looking at Jasper as if he has two heads.

"Shut up and eat." The older man laughs, sitting Kurt's plate in front of it.

Kurt stuck his tongue out at his best friend, but started to eat anyway. Jasper told him about his day, how he was so proud of himself for not getting any coffee on his new khakis.

"Oh, and that guy from the clothe store, he asked about you." Jasper said, playing around with his food with his fork.

Kurt almost choked on what he was eating. That man could not possibly be interested in him, really. This joke had to be up or something.

"Yeah, wanted to know if you were interested in him. Told him I didn't know and that he should ask you." Jasper finished off his plate, looking over to his best friend. "So... are you? Interested, I mean."

Kurt shrugged, now he was the one playing with his food. "Well I hardly know the man. I mean, he's very good looking. But I don't know, I'm too fucked up."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Okay, say you are fucked up, which you're not, how do you become not fucked up?"

Kurt stared at Jasper. He never thought about being better. "Um." Kurt went back to his food, finishing off his plate so he wouldn't have to answer.

"That's what I thought. I know you say you're not ready for a relationship, and I don't want to push you into doing things that will make you uncomfortable. But let me just tell you, you can't push people away forever."

"Yeah, well maybe it's better for them not to waste their time on me." Kurt said, picking up his plate and putting it in the sink, before storming off to his room before Jasper could say anything.

**The song for this chapter is All Alright by Fun. You can go check it out on my tumblr, where I'll be posting a song for every chapter. You can also send me any questions out here on my tumblr at singingintheraen . tumblr tagged / byb**

**(delete the spaces obv)**

**I'm probably going to update every Saturday, but I posted this chapter today to let everyone know about my planned schedule so you guys know I'm not abandoning the story. Also, There will be flashbacks, don't worry my reviewers! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt walked out of the theater at around 5 o'clock. Things were starting to get hectic with Opening Night so soon. He was adjusting his hair, and looking down at his watch when someone bumped into him. Kurt stumbled on his feet, holding onto his bag tightly as he looked at the person who he collided with.

"Wow, you're everywhere aren't you?" Kurt chuckled, Blaine just inches away from him. The shorter man's eyes were wide as he noticed Kurt.

Blaine rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground with a small smile before looking back at him. "I'm not stalking you, I swear. I'm sorry for bumping into you."

Kurt's eyebrows shot up. "I sure hope not. And it's okay. Accidents happen." He looked over to the street, feeling a bit awkward.

Blaine looked at the theater on their right, "Do you work here?" Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded, looking back to the man. He knew he shouldn't be telling these kind of things to a stranger, but Blaine seemed harmless enough. But then again, Kurt wasn't a good judge at that. He looked down at the ground again.

"I was just about to go get some dinner, would you like to join me?" Blaine asked, looking nervous.

Kurt wasn't sure what to say, was this Blaine asking him out again? Did he want that? He remembered his conversation with Jasper a couple days ago, how he couldn't push people away. But it's not pushing him away if he didn't know him, though.

Blaine noticed Kurt's hesitance. "As friends, of course."

Well that wasn't much better. Kurt wasn't good as friendships either, apparently. All he had was Jasper. Kurt was hungry, so why not. Maybe spending an evening with Kurt will show Blaine how uninteresting he was and get on with his life.

"Sure. Where were you going?" Kurt said, shifting on his feet. Now he was nervous.

Blaine gave Kurt a brilliant smile. He was sure Kurt was going to decline his offer. "I was just going to go get some pizza, if that's okay with you… We can go somewhere else though!" Blaine said quickly, not wanting to give Kurt a reason not to come with him.

"Pizza sounds great, actually. Just let me text Jasper to tell him I won't be home for dinner."

**Kurt to Jasper **_5:10 pm_

_Going out to dinner with Blaine, be back later._

**Jasper to Kurt **_5:11pm_

_Get it!_

Kurt looked back to Blaine with a smile. "Let's go." The taller man stuffed his phone, and his hands in his pockets, walking side by side with Blaine, a small but comfortable distance between the two.

Blaine assured Kurt that the pizza parlor he was going to was just 5 minutes up the block, and they spent their short walk in comfortable silence. Blaine would occasionally look over to Kurt and smile, and Kurt would look to the ground to hide his own.

Twenty minutes later, Kurt found himself sitting across from Blaine in the pizza parlor with a plate of pizza in front of him.

"So how long have you been living with Jasper?" Blaine asked, before taking a bite of his pizza.

"Um, about 5 years I think. We started living together my second year of college." Kurt easily forgets how long he has been with Jasper in their apartment. It had been his life for a while now.

Blaine nodded. They exchanged in small talk, simple questions like where did you go to college, what's your favorite color, etc. Kurt was flabbergasted that Blaine seemed interested in knowing those small details about himself.

"So what do you do for a living?" Kurt asked, finishing his last piece of pizza.

"Oh, my friend David runs a small magazine company. I run the tourist section. You know, where to go and where to stay away from. But I actually hope to write a novel someday." Blaine talked about his job with so much enthusiasm. Kurt found it very attractive to see a man so passionate about what he does.

Kurt loved people who did things that made them happy. Mainly because he loved to see people happy in general.

"What would you want to write about?" Kurt crossed and uncrossed his legs, trying to get comfortable. They had been sitting at the pizza parlor for quite some time.

Blaine must have noticed, because he suddenly jumped up. "If you would like, there is a local band who plays at a pavilion a couple blocks away, that we could go see? Unless you want to go home, I would totally understand that." The smaller man rushed out, looking nervous about their evening coming to an end so soon.

Kurt looked down at the ground to try and hide his smile. He couldn't believe that Blaine wanted to continue hanging out with Kurt. Mason had always rushed their dates, they would go in, eat and then leave. Kurt had always thought it was because he wasn't very interesting to be around.

"That would be really nice." He smiled over at Blaine, who returned it.

The boys gathered their things, making sure to wrap their scarfs tightly around their necks. March was still pretty chilly in NY, but it seemed like nothing compared to the harsh winter.

The two walked in silence the couple of blocks it took to get to the pavilion. As they neared, Kurt could hear the faint sound of a current pop song on the radio. There was a small crowd around the band, some were dancing while others sat on the grass and watched with a smile on their face.

"I used to work at a guitar shop with the guy in the middle." Blaine said, nodding to the tall man in the middle of the stage, singing into the mic while playing guitar.

Kurt nodded, "Do you play?"

"Yeah, I also play the piano, the violin, the harmonica and a couple others." Blaine tried to play it off, shrugging his shoulder as if it was nothing.

"Don't try to plat that off! That's really cool. I don't play any instruments. I like to sing though. For a while I wanted to be on Broadway, before realizing I enjoyed the costumes more."

"I'd love to hear you sing sometime." Blaine said, taking his hands out of his pockets and letting them swing at his side. Kurt looked at them apprehensively, keeping his own hands stuffed in his pockets.

"I might be able to arrange that." Kurt rocked back and forth on his shoes.

They stayed and watched the band until they took a small break, a half hour later. Kurt watched as people walked by them quietly, before looking at the sky that had darkened a while ago.

"I should probably get going." Kurt said, looking at Blaine with a small smile. He had fun with him tonight, and he told the shorter man just that.

Blaine blushed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "I had fun with you too, Kurt. Would you like me to walk you to the subway?"

Kurt shook his head. "Its fine, I don't want you to go out of your way for me. But thanks for tonight, it's been a while since I've been out with someone who's not Jasper."

"Well I play at the bar Mixin' Music on 32nd street on weekends, maybe you could come see me play? Saturday maybe?" Blaine kicked his foot softly into the ground, Kurt found him adorable.

"Yeah, I'll come, Blaine. But I should really be going."

Blaine looked at him and then down to Kurt's lips, but Kurt panicked, stepping back and giving Blaine a small smile. Kurt waved to Blaine as he started to walk away, returning the smile that Blaine gave him, albeit small.

Kurt walked into their apartment around 8:30, his cheeks rosy and his hands achy. He spotted Jasper by the window in their makeshift craft space. He was sitting at their shared drafting table, Kurt could see his tongue sticking out from his place at the door.

Kurt put his jacket on the coatrack, before sitting on the couch to carefully unlace his boots. He sat them down in front of his door before walking back to the kitchen and washing his hands.

"I'm making popcorn, do you want to share?" Kurt asked, looking back at his best friend, who nodded without looking back at him.

Kurt turned around to get the popcorn box out of the cabinet, opening it up and then putting it in the microwave.

2 minutes later, Jasper creeped towards Kurt, who had just gotten the popcorn out of the microwave, came up right behind his shoulder and whispered "Don't forget the extra butter"

Kurt jumped slightly, turning his head to give Jasper a glare. "Asshole."

Jasper stuck his tongue out at Kurt, getting the butter out of the fridge to melt it.

A few moments later the boys were sitting side by side on the floor, their backs resting on the couch as they shared the popcorn bag. Kurt enforced a strict 'no eating on the couch dammit' rule. Jasper broke it once, getting an ice cream stain on the couch. He had to buy some special stain remover while Kurt was at work so he wouldn't find out. Jasper always followed the rule after that.

Kurt turned on the TV, putting on the news for some background noise. He knew Jasper was going to ask question.

"Did you kiss him?" Jasper asked, looking at Kurt excitedly.

"What are you twelve?" Kurt asked, grinning at Jasper anyway.

"On a scale from 1-10." Jasper nodded, looking proud of himself for that.

Kurt stared at him for a moment. "Alright I'll admit that was slick. But no I didn't kiss him. But he looked like he wanted to at the end. I wanted to kiss him, but I panicked. He's wonderful though, Jazz"

Jasper nodded, stuffing popcorn into his mouth. "You should totally kiss him. And then get married and have cute little babies and I can be the cool uncle Jazz."

Kurt choked on the popcorn he was trying to eat. "Jasper!" Kurt coughed off, his best friend patting his back as he tried to catch his breath.

Kurt didn't even know if he wanted to date the guy, let alone marry him and have kids with him. He knew Jasper was kidding but damn. His best friend was beside him, trying not to laugh his ass off. Kurt glared at him, hitting him on the shoulder when he was breathing normally there.

"Fuck! Damn Kurt, you hit hard." Jasper was rubbing his arm, pouting.

"I wasn't in that self-defense class for nothing." Kurt said, proud of himself. He had taken the classes as soon as he stopped having to see his therapist once a week.

"Anyway, Buddy are you like, feeling alright? You know, taking a step into the dating game and all that."

Kurt shrugged, looking down at the floor. He felt okay. He guessed. Kurt wasn't really sure what he was feeling, really. "I don't know. I'm not really stepping into the dating game, it was just a friendly outing. But it's not that I'm scared to love someone, you know? Because I love you, my Dad, Carole, Finn, and all of my family. It's more about whether or not I'm good enough for it."

Self-esteem continued to be a problem for him. He had come a long way since the beginning of his recovery period. His therapist, , had helped, really. But he constantly felt like he wasn't good enough, that he didn't deserve to be happy. He used to think back to the bullying, and he would think about how it all connected. It must keep happening for a reason? These kind of things still come up to him. And to add all of that, Kurt would just get so frustrated that it was still bothering him. He knew it was normal, he knew that these kind of things take time, but he was tired of feeling _weak. _He hated that he was still letting this affect him on a day to day basis.

"You'll realize it all one day, Buddy. I promise." Jasper leaned over and gave Kurt a one armed hug, his left hand still covered in butter.

Saturday night came soon enough. Kurt hadn't seen Blaine since Tuesday. He had woken up late all week, and didn't have time to go to the coffee shop in the morning. Jasper said he saw Blaine looking for me a couple times though, and that made Kurt smile.

He was a bit nervous about tonight. He didn't want to lead Blaine on, if it turns out that he can't do this. He wants to push himself to do things he's scared to do. And he does like Blaine. He's sweet, funny, he's enthusiastic and cute. But he always ends up telling himself _'he's too good for you'_

Kurt stood in front of his floor length mirror, one of the three mirrors in his room, actually. He was buttoning up his shirt, a striking blue that was one of his favorites. He left the top three buttons undone, he was going to a bar after all. He was about to tie his ascot when he was suddenly hit with a memory.

_The gay bar, Hard Rock, was in full swing when Kurt and Mason arrived on Friday night. The latter had recently passed a huge test in one of his classes, and he had wanted to go out and celebrate. Kurt was shocked that his boyfriend had actually wanted him to come with him, seeing as Mason treated their time together like a chore._

_The two had been dating for 7 months now, though the abuse had been going on for a month. Kurt was going to get his boyfriend help though, he already had a couple therapists lined up for Mason to go check out. This rough patch should end soon._

_His boyfriend was in a good mood tonight, so he was treating Kurt just like he used to for the first 5 months of their relationship. He held onto Kurt's arm as he lead them towards the bar, ordering drinks for the two of them. Kurt thanked his boyfriend, kissing him on the lips. They sat down on one of the stools, their knees bumping together, Mason's hand on Kurt's thigh._

_His boyfriend finished his drink, ordering another one instantly. Kurt finished his own more slowly, he wasn't very interested in getting drunk tonight. He wasn't a big fan of bars in the first place, but it was Mason's night. _

_A familiar song came on, one of Kurt's favorites actually. "Come on Mason, let's go dance." He tapped his arm a couple times, though it earned him a hard look._

"_I don't like this song." Mason said, looking at him like he had three heads. Kurt rolled his eyes. _

"_Well I'm going to go dance. You can sit here." He walked into the crowd, grinning. If he was here, he wanted to have some fun._

_He started by dancing himself, starting off a tame. He was enjoying dancing by himself, looking back to see Mason watching him carefully. Suddenly, there was a guy behind him, grabbing onto his hips and moving them. Kurt looked over his shoulder, the guy was pretty cute. He didn't see anything wrong with a little dancing, as long as it was PG._

_He danced with the guy for a little bit, hoping Mason couldn't see the way the man grinded onto him. He managed to get across the dance floor by himself before another guy came onto him, and he danced with that man too for just a bit. _

_He decided to go back to Mason, who was on the edge of the dance floor talking to some man. A guy came on to him as he was walking, but Kurt politely turned him down, as flattered as he was. He knew Mason would not appreciate another man flirting with him._

_When he reached his boyfriend, the man did not even give him a glance. Kurt decided to be patient, waiting for the other guy to leave._

"_Oh so you got bored with the other guys didn't you?" Mason said, turning to him and giving him a hard look._

"_It's a bar, Mason. I'm not going to just stand here with you the whole time. I wasn't making out with those guys. It was just dancing, calm down." Kurt knew he shouldn't have said that, he knew it would make Mason mad._

_The man gave out a harsh breath, but he nodded. A tall man with blonde hair walked up to him, looking him up and down appreciatively. "Hey there gorgeous, want me to buy you a drink?" He winked, and Kurt tried to hide his smile. At least someone appreciated his looks._

_Mason seemed to be mad that the guy hadn't even glanced his way, and if Kurt would say so himself, he thinks his boyfriend was a bit jealous of not getting as much attention. The other man always wanted all eyes on him. His boyfriend grabbed his arm roughly._

"_No, his boyfriend is going to buy him something." Mason dragged him to the bar, Kurt breathing heavily. Oh god, he made him mad._

_Mason ordered himself a drink, giving Kurt a hard stare. He sighed, and ordered himself a drink. But when he picked it up, a guy walking past accidently bumped into him, throwing him forward a bit and spilling his drink over Mason. The guy apologized, Kurt accepted, before following a very mad Mason to the bathroom._

_When they got into the room, Mason went straight to the sink, wetting a towel and dabbing his shirt._

"_I'm sorry Mason, that guy bumped into me while he was walking." Kurt apologized, trying to help his boyfriend only to have his hand slapped away._

"_Yeah whatever. You probably did it on purpose. Have me come to the bathroom so you can go make out with some guy." Mason said angrily, looking at Kurt with disgust._

"_What? I am in here with you! Trying to help you." Kurt shot back. _

"_You know what the fuck I'm talking about, you whore. You've been all over tons of guys since we got here. And you only had two drinks. You're not even drunk and you're acting like a slut."_

_Kurt stared at his boyfriend in disbelief. He wasn't a slut. He wasn't! He didn't do anything with those men! But it didn't stop the words from hurting him. He didn't like the way the word made him feel. Like he was dirty, even though he wasn't. He wasn't!_

"_I think you have had too many drinks, Mason. You were at the bar most of the time we were here." Kurt said, taking a step backward._

"_Don't tell me what I am!" Mason yelled. Kurt's eyes widened._

"_Alright, Mason. I'm sorry. Really." Kurt put his hands up in surrender._

"_Go tell that to those other men that you've been with!" Mason yelled, stepping forward to slap Kurt across the face._

_Kurt cursed, holding his hand up to his face. He looked at his boyfriend with wide eyes, scared that he would try something else. This was all his fault, after all. He had gotten him all worked up. He should know by now, it's been going on for a month._

"_I'm going home. You can catch a cab, you whore." Mason walked by him, pushing him harshly into the wall, giving him a menacing stare before he exited the bathroom._

Kurt gasped out, letting out a sob as he fell to the floor. He hugged his legs into himself, laying his forehead on his arms and crying loudly. Every once in a while he would gasp for air, shaking his head the whole time.

"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't go there." Kurt gasped out to himself. He didn't care it was a different bar, he couldn't take it.

Kurt hugged his legs tighter to himself, planning on sitting there for a while.

Meanwhile, out on 32nd street, Blaine played his set at Mixin' Music, constantly searching the crowd and checking the door for Kurt, disappointed to find that he didn't come. He should have known.

**The song for this chapter is ****Shattered ****by the Backstreet Boys. And you can go on to my tumblr to listen to it, and also listen to the songs for the last two, and every chapter in the future. You can also go on there to see the faceclaim for Jasper, ask questions and all that great stuff. I've also decided that Kurt and Jasper's apartment is similar to Rachel and Monica's from F.R.I.E.N.D.S because it's what kept popping into my head.**

**Also, if any of you have been in an abusive relationship, or known someone that had been in one or in one, please please please tell me if I'm doing anything wrong. I don't want to offend anyone, and I want to portray it realistically. Domestic Abuse is not a joke, and I do not want to treat it as one, so please let me know if I'm not writing it right. **


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